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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and we are always mindful regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, especially in relation to football. It was quite amusing to discover that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He was barefoot and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers during his peak popularity playing for City, the Italian striker popped into a local college to access the restrooms back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach post a quick discussion in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, the two stars urging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to save the circumstance.

“What place could we identify [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It's a tremendously tough role.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina inspected us completely with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes match officials were formerly exposed to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|